I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
