How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
