Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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