hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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