I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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