you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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