i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
