The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
