I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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