now i know why i became what i already was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
