im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
