I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
