Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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