Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We need a shit load of segways right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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