Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
