Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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