Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
