Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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