I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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