id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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