so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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