there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Vodka?
Forever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
