She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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