All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
