wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
