I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
