Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
