I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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