i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
