pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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