We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Less talking, more tequila
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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