...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
