I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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