I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
