ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
