I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
