I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
soo... how was my night?
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