i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
