he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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