so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
