I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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