I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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