Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
