I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
