I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
