I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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