I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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