Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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