The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
