I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
