just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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