You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
