I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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