Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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