Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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