I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
COCAINE IS GR8
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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