He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
