Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
