I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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