just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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