new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am spending my child support on dildos
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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