I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
