I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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