The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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