Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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