he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
